The 5 stages of ‘Adulting’
and how to grow the heck up
Adulting doesn’t get a very positive rapport. You’ll only truly be thriving after some time, so be content with the learning process. Much like traveling through the 5 stages of grief, adulting is a long journey with many mixed emotions.
1. Denial
“No wait! This can’t be happening!” is usually how this stage begins. The shine, attraction and promises of freedom that adulthood serenades on unsuspecting adolescents wears off pretty quickly. Left with chores, errands, admin and a tight budget, things get unpleasant very quickly.
Denying your transition into adulthood is not necessary, don’t fight it; it is inevitable no matter how long you may try put it off. Denial will often arise at key moments. When an adolescent is first left all alone it can be exhilarating, mom and dad are now thousands of kilometers away. You’re already planning how you’re going to go all out at that party tonight. You’re feeling warm and fuzzy, you have the world at your fingertips, what could possibly go wrong?
Well, then you may realise you only have a bit of cash left, because you still need to open your own bank account. Or you may look at your life all boxed up and realise that you should probably unpack, so that you have a bed to collapse onto when you return home at 3am.
Being unable to call on family or loved ones you previously depended on for help can be frightening. The reality sets in as the golden haze slowly dissipates. Bazinga! Adulthood approaches!
2. Anger
“Why didn’t they tell me it would be like this!?” The second stage of adulting is usually anger at the realization that the individual is becoming an adult. There is little they can do as they are usually ill prepared. In the case of the fledgling adult, anger can be directed at several different sources.
Anger at parents is the first and most common one. “Why didn’t they warn me? Why am I not prepared?” Young adults, first struggling on their own, curse their parents. They are often the easiest to blame - and everybody loves a good scapegoat. Then they find others.
Another favourite, that has grown in popularity in recent years, is the universe (because our very own universe is apparently against us). Young adults curse the universe, the star alignment or blame karma when anything fails to go according to how they pictured it.
Lastly, they blame themselves. “I should have been more prepared” they say, “I should have known better”. Only once you have exhausted the list of scapegoats can the anger finally subside, and you will be able to move forward.
3. Bargaining
“Well if I can just find a way to make…” When you begin to bargain with yourself that’s when you know that there is no going back. When you’re down to your last R50 in your account, and you’re questioning whether you would rather have clean laundry or food this week, then you know that adult life has hit you hard.
Questions like; “Do my jeans really smell that bad? Surely a blast of deo can fix it?” are all warning signs, so beware. Young adults are increasingly looking for employment that offers a better work life balance. And it is said that there are three sections of your life when you are an adult; work, sleep and social. Due to the busyness of life, most fledgling adults can only successfully manage two of these sections at a time. You have time to work hard and sleep lots, but then your social life suffers. You want to have a social life after work, but then you won’t get the sleep you need.
Bargaining with yourself over what to prioritise is another sign of the irreversible demise into adulthood. Pro Tip: Not even the most successful adults have found a way to bargain well and balance all these sections!
4. Depression
“I’ve had enough, I’m done, I don’t want to be an adult anymore!” Hopelessness and depression is the fourth stage in realising your adulting potential. The downside, constant stress, anxiety and depression are a lot to handle. Many people don’t make it to the fifth stage of adulting because the depression is too much and they give up.
As much as one can joke about the trials of adulting, failure is a real thing. Many prospective adults drop out, or take a breath. Falling out of class, moving back in with their parents, and giving up are very common amongst young adults today. More millennials move back in with their parents after graduating than ever before.
In 2016, nearly three thousand students dropped out of UCT alone during the academic year. The job market is tough, society is harsh and it’s a cruel world. But you’re only one step away from acceptance, so don’t lose hope, and keep plodding on.
5. Acceptance
Well done! If you’ve made it to the final stage, that’s massive progress on your part. Acceptance is the final part of being an adult. You need to accept that there will still be plenty of mess ups. You need to accept that you don’t actually know what you’re doing. You need to accept that this will take time. And you need to accept that others will be better at this than you are.
Accepting the bills, debt, trials and hardships ahead of you changes your mindset to make you able to deal with it now. Don’t see it as defeat, see it as changed perspective, accepting the challenge that lies ahead of you.
By now, you’re may be feeling pretty good about yourself. You may have reached the stage of acceptance, acknowledging that you are no longer a child, that you have responsibilities, and that you are growing up. Good job! But that is, unfortunately, only the beginning of the journey, you are hardly a successful adult yet.
Similar to our good friend, William Shakespeare, who noted that “some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them,” adulting is much the same. No one is born an adult, but while some achieve adulthood, others have adulthood unwillingly thrust upon them!
Dear Reader, you may be interested to hear that I have issued myself with the January Writing Challenge. I’ve tasked myself with writing and publishing one new article to Medium every day for the entire month. So follow along for more stories and adventures as we see what the first month of 2021 has to offer!
